Age is not something that I used to think a lot about. But as I am approaching what the rest of the world seems to view as a major milestone, I have found myself dwelling a bit on just what it means to turn 50. Admittedly, I am secretly a huge fan of Peter Pan. I relish the idea of never growing up and remaining unshackled by the parameters of age. I never want to lose the ability to see the world through the eyes of a child, because it is a gift and in no way a shortcoming. I would feel robbed if I could no longer stare wide-eyed at the sunset, the ocean or the tiniest little hummingbird. I firmly believe that as children, we see more clearly, we love more honestly and completely and we appreciate life’s simple pleasure to their fullest. But somewhere along the line, those characteristics are lost, or maybe willfully abandoned as we transform into mature and responsible adults.
Due to my unique outlook on this subject, I have always been the grownup who was happiest in jeans and a t-shirt, playing with kid’s toys and enjoying things that other adults called childish, in a very derogatory voice. But for me it just felt right, I never consciously made this my crusade or swore an oath; it’s just who I am. And sometimes it gets me a pained look and a roll of the eyes from my “so much more mature” son, but he should be used to it, and me, by now.
I had always heard that as long as you are young at heart, you will remain young. I wasn’t sure that I bought into the concept, but I did have hope down deep in my heart. Finally, I met someone who not only personified the concept, but she had mastered it. To hear her speak you would have no idea of her age. She was working as a telemarketer in her 70’s and none of the clients had any idea how old she was. She loved life and all of the opportunities it had in store for her. And she wasn’t about to let a little thing like a number cause her to miss out on any of it. I was amazed at how vibrant and full of life she was and in awe of her ability to not only speak to but also to connect with anyone, regardless of the person’s age. We became friends and I came to see that she was simply one of a kind. She quickly became the best friend I had in the world. We could talk for hours about anything or really nothing, and we always learned something new about one another. Most of the time, it was another similarity in our lives, a common interest or some other little thread that wove into the fabric that seemed to bond our lives together. This all might seem pretty ordinary until you learn that she was nearly 40 years older than I.
Our friendship lasted for over 15 years and spanned nearly 2000 miles after she “retired” back to the Midwest; not surprisingly just about an hour away from my hometown. We never ran out of things to talk about or news to share with one another, and I believed that would never change. I apparently choose to see our relationship with my child’s eyes, and just refused to grasp that forever was going to be drastically different for the two of us. She had a sharp mind and wit right up to the end and recognized me immediately when I appeared beside her after five years without a visit. She was being prepped for surgery and was a bit sleepy but instantly smiled and asked about my husband and our boys. But finally, I was forced to see her with my grown-up eyes and understand that she was, in fact, much older than I. But that reality would never and could never change our friendship. We each shared that hope and belief in being young at heart and that perhaps was the strongest thread in our bond.
As I think of my friend and her life, I am amazed at all that she did, saw, and accomplished. She was a devoted mother and wife, she taught herself to play multiple musical instruments, she wrote books and plays, she worked with autistic children and their families, and she shared herself freely with those she loved. She lived by her wise mother’s words and learned something new every day. Some of the information she found as she kept up on the world via her computer, and some came from any of the 30 books she would read each month. She decided long ago that she would continue to grow, but that didn’t mean that she had to grow old. This was just one of the bits of wisdom she shared with me, and one of the reasons that I admired and loved her deeply.
It would have seemed petty and rather vain of me to complain to her about facing 50 as she was closing in on 90, so we just never talked about it. We didn’t need to, she showed me the answer to my question. I live my life true to myself and to my heart. I must grow, but I too choose to grow as a person and not to just grow old. I have no doubt that we would have continued to learn new things about each other and ourselves with each new conversation we shared. Our friendship was ageless and timeless because that is what we chose to make it.
I have gotten more out of our friendship than I might ever really be able to grasp and I am grateful for every second that we shared. Even though I cannot call her to talk or send a quick email, I still hear from her. I hear her words and thoughts with my heart, and somehow she helps me to sort out whatever is troubling me. I now see that 50 is only a number, just like 87. And I am the one who gets to bring meaning to the number. I choose to make it just the beginning. It will be the beginning of the coming year and it will represent all of the good that is coming for me and the ones I love. Instead of seeing this number as a limitation, I choose to see it as just one of the points on my journey.
What an insightful and beautifully written testimony to aging with childlike wonder of life, and a lasting friendship beyond time and space. As my 100-year-old friend said, “Growing older is inevitable; growing old is optional.”
Thank you, Pam, your kind words touch my heart as always. And your friend sounds like someone I would love to get to know!
Thank you again, my friend!
I relate to you so very much in your comfortable love of T-shirts and jeans (my entire wardrobe plus some sweaters and leather jacket) and feel like 66 years old going on 19 myself. I always have. I’ve always had something about me that was quiet, serious and adult beyond my years as a child and yet childlike wonder and acceptance of everybody and everything as an adult. I have seen 2 UFOs, one with my electrical engineer dad while watching the Pleiades meteor showers and the other driving my orange VW bug alone through the Jersey pine woods on a November night. The one dad & I saw was slower than an airplane and majestic; the one over the pine barrens I can only describe as an Ezekiel’s Wheel (reference the Bible.) I too love that grow but never grow-old concept but instead of Peter Pan – for me it was Tinkerbell. My hubby and I met the real Tinkerbell at Disney World and she was so gracious with her tinkley little voice about them taking down Pixie Hollow to make room for Harry Potter (horrendous.) I see Yolandi Visser of Die Antwoord as a real life Tinkerbell if Tink was a South African Hoodlum – “I Am Your Butterfly.” Your friend Dreidel sounds like a truly great lady and we all can only aspire to be so learned (30 books a month – wow.) Thank you for the vote of confidence for all us never-grow-olds and enjoy life, it’s what we are here to do and to learn from it and to prepare to take our place in God’s heaven after this wonderful Earth He placed us on.
Hannah- So glad to hear that I was not the only 12 going on 30 out there! Maybe some of us are just never meant to grasp the “reality” of the number we are labeled with for 365 days. Life is an adventure and I feel like I am paying to take the ride so I might as well get all that I can for my money. And if that means running into the waves like a child and trying to swing high enough to have my toes reach the sky, well then I’m going to do it and enjoy every minute of it. There are too many times when we need to be grown up and carry a heavy burden to miss the chances we have to be carefree and see the world through the eyes of a child and with the openness of a child’s heart. Thank you again and all the best to you!
To truly live life is to commit to continual growth and development. Learning from every encounter and experience. Never settling for the status quo. Understanding and enjoying the journey.
Some are old at thirty, stuck, stalled, fixed.
Age is an attitude. It’s an outlook.
As long as we breathe there is potential to be discovered in us.
Your friend left a legacy in you, the memory of her grace and service.
That memory is a model to draw the same qualities from you.
Thank you, Roy, for your comment. I agree completely that a great deal of how we feel about our own age is based on outlook and attitude. But it took someone else to teach me that lesson. I hope that I can pass on the wisdom that she imparted on me. Thank you again!
Okay, I can agree with most of this. But, there are bodies that age very fast, like that of my late Spanish husband, death at 47 years, and me being 60, but having pain issues when I need to stand for 5 days a week for 40 hours or more.
We have found out why some bodies, age fast, and others do not. World wide most people die before 50 years of age, average. So saying that age is just a stupid thing, is not true at all. What about rebirth, I do not know, when I understood that the brain energy is going out of the body after about an hour, or even sooner, that is when I got scared of dying. Could there be another Universe, parallel or not, because nothing in nature is created only one time,? There are people who look like someone so close that you need to take a closer look. I do not know, maybe Stephen Hawking was right after all, we fall apart in tiny pieces, and come out as something very new?
Elisabeth- Thank you for your comment. And I am sorry if I led you to believe that I was making light of the natural aging process and the toll that it takes on the body. That was not at all my intent and I apologize if I offended you. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband at such a young age and the void that must have left in your heart. My intent was to point out that I was mentally aging myself simply because of the way I was perceiving a number, not because of physical deterioration. For me, my outlook was all that was causing me to “feel” old and I chose to change that. Again, thank you for reading and commenting on my post and all the best to you.
Though physically I cannot do at 73 what I could do at 23, I have never felt that my mind ages except in knowledge and, hopefully, wisdom. There has never been a time in my life when I wished to be a different age. Many young children can’t wait till they turn 16. 16-year-olds can’t wait to be in their 20s. 50-year-olds wish to be 16 again. I have never been upset at reaching certain numbers like some people do. I do not wish to go back. I simply enjoy life from day to day, and, like you, can be taken up by watching a sunset, almost hypnotized watching the waves lap the shore of a lake. And I love to record these things on my camera to keep them alive. When I was young, most of my friends were much older than me. When I was 30, one of my good friends was more than twice my age. And she lived until a couple of weeks past her 101st birthday. Now that I am a senior, most of my friends are in my age range, but I do have a lot of friends who are young adults and middle-aged as well. I always saw my mother as being ‘old’–not in years, but in her mind. She was not very outgoing, and acted much older than she was. She was 33 when I was born, so that is not old in years. The strange thing was that she did not look her age. She always said she would never get old, yet she lived to 97. I used to tease her when she was in her 90s that if that wasn’t old, I didn’t know what old was. Her sister was a few years older, and I always saw her as being much younger at heart. I have a friend who is now in her late 70s and loves to build with her Lego set. She loved to color before the craze of adult coloring books. So we can remain young at heart if we keep our minds occupied, do the things we enjoy, and not allow life to simply pass us by because we sit and do nothing. I have always had hobbies. They have changed over the years, but have kept me occupied and enjoying life. I think your attitude is just right to keep you going for many years yet no matter what those numbers tell you.