Loyalty is very unique in that it is both incredibly durable and yet also very delicate. When put to the test, it is amazing what one person will endure to remain loyal to another. Look at brothers in arms who will literally lay down their own life to protect a fellow soldier. There is an unspoken bond that is somehow stronger than the most primal survival instinct. It can’t be taught or demanded, it must be earned.
But on those rare occasions when someone breaks that bond of loyalty, this lifeline that was stronger than titanium, shatters into pieces far too tiny to reconstruct. And in the blink of an eye, the dust-like remnants are blown away.
Sadly, there are many people in today’s world who expect loyalty, but neither grasp its true meaning or understands its value. What they are really seeking is control over another person. And they are misunderstanding obedience for loyalty.
They do not grasp that loyalty will motivate a person to give to a point of personal detriment, and yet ask for nothing in return. And they also do not grasp that anyone who understands the concept of true loyalty, and deserves it, would graciously accept another’s loyalty, and then return it in kind. He or she would never take advantage of loyalty. And those who are loyal to these misguided souls would never dream of asking for or demanding reciprocation.
Like many things in this world that should be treasured, respected and revered, loyalty is not often acknowledged until it has been destroyed. But then it is too late, and someone has lost a priceless treasure.
Very thought provoking post this morning! I’ve struggled with what it means to be loyal much of my life that culminated when I learned three years after his affair began that my first husband was intimately involved with another woman who then became my son’s step-mother they adored and now love and appreciate. Coming to terms with this breakdown of my first marriage, sharing motherhood with this other woman I have come to accept and even appreciate although we do not have a close relationship but a mutually respectful one, and figuring out why I even married him in the first place has been my “hero’s journey.” I am just now learning to appreciate and embrace this drama of mine as a gift rather than a curse through acceptance of and gratitude for what is, forgiveness of self and others and surrender to and my deepening faith in God and my Higher Self (both terms can be named in many different ways). I’ve also “lost” friendships that I felt I had been loyal to but lost anyway, the subject of an essay I’m still working on. A little humor always helps, too, and I must end with Kenny Rogers’ hit song The Gambler validated my ability to know “when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, knowcwhat to walk away and know when to run! That’s when I married Andy and went to Saudi Arabia for two years which was the best decision I ever made made!!!! See what wonderful things your post has brought forth for me this morning!!!!❤️😊
Pam- I applaud your honesty and your grace in handling this delicate and often treacherous situation. Had you not taken the high road on this matter, I am certain that your sons would have a drastically different relationship with their stepmother and their father. You act of selflessness is a glowing example of a mother’s love and the total dedication to her children’s happiness and well being. I am not nearly as evolved as you, nor have I be in a position to endure this life-changing event. But I must say that your honesty today has helped me to understand that the way we handle certain challenges, disappointments and painful experiences in our lives, dictates our future. For your total love of your sons and the amazing civility that you showed to your husband and his new wife, you were rewarded, or blessed, with your loving husband Andy. And so true is your quote of Kenny Rogers… you knew when to fold em and walk away and now you have been granted the hold em hand! True faith is a huge umbrella that covers a great deal of our existence. We have faith in a higher being, but we must also learn that we need to have faith in our own judgment, our ability to survive our earthly tests and faith in those that we choose to share our life with.
I seem to be going backwards (time-wise) in reading my e-mail, but I’m glad I did not miss this one. Loyalty is a gift to both sides–to the one offering the loyalty, as it is not basic human nature, and to the one on the receiving end, as it is a precious thing to experience. There is someone in my life to whom I have been loyal in many ways, but she chose to walk away from me and all the other friends who had given of themselves and supported her through many things. Everything just came to an end with no explanation to anyone. But I can still pray for her on a daily basis and trust God to deal in her life to resolve her personal issues and bring her back repentant, for her sake first, and then for the sake of all her friends who still wonder what happened. Loyalty is not a topic many speak or write about. Thank you for sharing this post.
Thank you, Diane. I hate to admit that I am getting old… but I think about it more and more when I realize that certain words are slipping from today’s vocabulary. And sadly, these are not words that I feel have become obsolete. Loyalty, honesty, dignity, accountability, responsibility all of these are words that were an important part of my upbringing and words that hold importance to me. Things like respecting your elders, common courtesy such as holding a door for someone or respecting a persons work- no matter what it is, these are all things that are no longer common lessons we teach our children but I hope that will change. Only by talking about them and living by them can we restore them to their place in society. Thank you, Diane, for keeping the discussion alive!
You are so right. So many things have been replaced by rudeness, lack of concern for the feelings of others, the “me first” attitude that makes people feel they have a right to run all over others to get what they want. And what they want is not worth hurting or disrespecting others to get it. I love to discuss this kind of topic. I think now that the reason my friend could walk away without any regrets is that I am from the older generation (I’ll be 74 in a couple of months) and she is in her early thirties. Those things we grew up to expect of ourselves and of others have probably not been instilled in her in the same way. The younger generation, in general, have an entitlement attitude. But I am fortunate in knowing a number of youth and young adults who have obviously either been brought up like we were or have seen these good principles in action in people who are important in their lives. It’s a blessing to have young people like that as friends.
Lllooovvveeelllyyy. I know many people that kindness means nothing to them. No matter how good you are to them, it has no value. Loyalty is the same. It is most valuable when it’s lost, and it takes a lot more strength to get it back. And even when you get it back, there will be cracks in it.