90

This is a slight adaptation as it was written four years ago, but it still applies very well to today…

Ninety years, in the abstract, it sounds like more than enough for a lifetime. The changes that one would bear witness to in nearly a century, are nothing less than mind-boggling. Society, technology and even human interaction bear little resemblance to what they were in 1925. Born on this day in 1925, a man would have entered this world in the aftermath of World War I, participated in World War II, and possibly even the Korean Conflict. He would have felt empathy for those returning from Vietnam, only shells of the men they had been before witnessing such an event. A man of 1925 would be no stranger to hunger, suffering, and pain. Yet he would also have been bestowed the wisdom of understanding the true value of a life. He would understand from experience that hard work and a man’s word are of much more value than items perceived to hold monetary value.
This man would have been witness to the birth and evolution of travel throughout the world. He would have the ability to travel and learn of far off places that had once only been images created by word of mouth stories from mysterious and exotic world travelers. In his later life, this man would have the entire world, virtually, at his fingertips as the World Wide Web became commonplace in most homes. The days of working from sun up to sun down simply to meet the needs of survival were now replaced by 40 hour work weeks, time for recreation and stability that simply didn’t exist in his childhood. He would relax at night in his easy chair, warm and dry in his home, thankful for all of the blessing that he had in his life.
This man would live a good life and work hard until his late 60’s and then he would be the first generation in his family to be rewarded with retirement. He would enjoy each day as if it were a special gift, earned through 50 plus years of working whatever job was available to make ends meet. He had attained the American Dream, and now he was afforded the opportunity to relax and enjoy the view from the peak; he had finally reached the pinnacle of the journey which was to be his life.
All of his accomplishments are very admirable. He had served his country, raised his family and now he is reaping the rewards of his hard work. The modern conveniences of 2015 make life, even for a man of 90, comfortable and manageable. If only the man who I’m speaking of were here today to witness his 90th birthday. Instead, his life ended after 76 years, which knowing the graciousness of the man, was certainly more days than he expected to be granted in this world. He would have proudly spoken of witnessing the year 2000 and more advances in the world than he even dreamed of as a small child growing up in a very poor neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio. He would have spoken of a life full of love and happiness that centered around his loving wife of over 60 years, his three children and their spouses, and his most beloved three grandchildren. He would have mentioned no regrets, requested no more time and adamantly declared that he had more than he needed and far more than he felt he deserved in this life.
I truly believe that no matter what day this man’s life had ended, he would have expressed nothing but gratitude and profound amazement at all he had witnessed and experienced in his life. That was simply the kind of man Clyde was. He thought of others first and himself only as a distant afterthought. He had integrity that was rare and deep. He never faced a time when he was struggling with a great dilemma; he simply knew the right thing to do, and, more importantly, he did it. There was never a question of what was easier or less painful, it was simply a matter of doing what was right. And more often than not, it was right because it was good for others, not necessarily himself. But that was the way his mind worked.
I wish I had even a small portion of the selflessness that this man carried so easily and so effortlessly. I struggle to be able to say that I’m satisfied to have only been afforded 34 years to share with Clyde. I wanted more, I wanted him to live long enough to see me as an adult, and not just a grown up. I wanted him to know in his heart that I had learned not only from the words of wisdom he shared with me but also from watching the way he lived his life. I wanted him to know that I had worked hard to live as good a life as he had. And most of all, I wanted him to live long enough for me to realize that all lives come to an end. Each day we are granted is a gift and should never be taken lightly. I wanted to be strong enough to face one of my greatest fears, my fear of the day that he would no longer be here for me. I wish I had found the strength and the courage to say all of the things that were in my heart, while he was still able to hear my words. He should have been able to hear me say how much I love him and how deeply proud I am to be his daughter. He deserved that and far more.
But I now understand on some level, that this was only important to me, but not to Clyde. He didn’t live his life to be thanked or praised, he lived it to the best of his abilities because that’s the kind of man that he was. He did it because that was all he knew, and he would settle for no less from himself. Near the end, we did have our moments when we clearly expressed our feelings and our love as a father and daughter, but much of it was shared in silence. It was one of the rare occasions in my life when words were difficult for me. But we shared a look in our eyes, a slight smile or a squeeze of a hand. Thankfully, we found another way to communicate when my words failed me.
It has been more than a decade since we shared those last moments of connection, but I can still close my eyes and see the love in his eyes as he laid there on the couch holding my hand. It’s a bittersweet memory but each year as I grow and evolve, it becomes more sweet than bitter. I know in my heart that it was time, it was time for him to be pain-free. It was time for me to honestly love him enough to let him go. I just hope that somewhere he’s still watching me. I hope he still feels my love and knows how much I strive to live a life that would make him proud. That is the best gift the only gift, I can offer him today, on what would have been his 94th birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad, I Love You!