I saw a post on social media the other day that was a picture of a very fast car and a very big truck. The caption read, “I will not lose!”. And for the first time in my adult life, I kind of wrinkled my brow a bit when I read those words and saw the picture. And that surprised me…
I have always been a competitive person, and at times overly competitive. I can say that now, after many years of denying it. I guess it only took 50 plus years for me to become an adult. But the picture made me think about the words that were chosen. And it hit me that the person did not say, “I will win!”, instead, it was just the commitment to not lose. But there are many ways to lose and only one way to win.
I looked at roughly the half a million dollars’ worth of vehicles in the picture, and I wondered what the true cost of acquiring those things turned out to be. I know the monetary investment, but what else did it cost that person to earn the money to get those two items? Were those vehicles worth losing time with family and friends? Did the long hours of work cost a marriage, or cause a parent to miss out on once in a lifetime events in his or her child’s life? Did that person work so hard and so many hours that he or she “got the call” when a parent passed away, rather than being there to hold the hand that welcomed him or her into this world?
Is that really not losing, because it does not sound like winning either. So the question really becomes, what are you willing to lose so that you don’t lose something else? Opportunity costs can be very high and can have some unexpected outcomes. Vanity, pride, and ego are a terrible trio in most cases. And as I have gotten older, I have learned that to me, winning is when I feel good about myself and the choices that I have made. Winning is when I don’t choose poorly and give up what is really important just to satisfy one of those devilish little voices whispering in my ear.
And before I get labeled as a hater, I am not against fast cars and big trucks. In fact, I love them, and fast bikes as well. But I have come to understand that I don’t need to prove to the vehicle next to me that my bike will do 150 mph without much effort. I know it and that’s enough. And the risk involved in proving that fact is no longer worth it to me. That opportunity cost could be my life.
What it all boils down to is that winning and losing are not always about who crosses a finish line first. And in many cases, the person who does cross that line first, paid a huge price to do so. And maybe it was really not worth the cost after all. So rather than thinking in terms of not losing at anything in life, think about what it will take for you to win! Maybe it’s not even finishing a race. Or it could mean that you keep an old car and a smaller house so that you can feed your desire to see the world. Or it could mean turning down a great job offer to be home each night with your family. All that matters is that you know in your heart that by your definition, you win!
Oh, you are becoming wiser, Kathy, and reading and reflecting on your posts helps make us, your readers, wiser, too. I wish we could get past the “winners and losers” dichotomy, either/or instead of both/and that a paradox holds in creative tension. To me, anyone who’s “in the game to do their best” is a winner, and nobody’s a loser other than the one who refuses to play at all—unless they can be the only “winner.”
At times, winning can become quite the chameleon. We think we know what it will look like, but that can all change in an instant! Being first holds a great deal of finality, the race is over. However, if I don’t win but learn a valuable lesson, I can apply that knowledge for years to come.
“Vanity, pride, and ego are a terrible trio in most cases.” How true! The motive in wanting to win, or just to not lose, is very important. If all a person wants to do is crow over their win, that is not winning. If they are simply trying to prove something by not losing, that is not winning. As you have said so well, some wins are not worth the cost. Some wins are really losses because the most important things have been laid aside for a moment’s glory. That is not eternal. That feeling of elation at winning often fades so quickly that we hardly remember what that moment of glory felt like. Most people who boast that they will not lose, or that they will win every time are doing it for some personal gain, power, glory. When we “run the race set before us” to the glory of God, then we will be the greatest winners of all time. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom. God bless you.
There are many ways to win, just as there are many ways to lose. It’s just that we can only have ONE winner for each race, but many losers. Winning and losing means different things to all of us, and also has a different value too. At some point, we must grow up and put our values where it really belong, then we can start living. Some of us grow up and mature faster than others, and our priorities are in order.But in the end, we are all winner, just on a different level.