I’ve been told on many occasions and by many people that I am a bit of a control freak. And the funniest part is that I never saw that as a bad thing. To me, it was always a sign that I had a plan and was trying to steer my way to where I wanted to go. How could that be wrong?
But the older I get, the more I am forced to look deep within myself to find the answers to some of my most daunting questions. Why do I need to feel in control, and why do I struggle so fiercely to hang on to that feeling of control? And most of all, why do I seem to lose more control each time that I try to exert more energy into getting control?
My comment to a good friend was that life has become kind of crazy. I feel like I got into the wrong line at the fair. I was looking for the Ferris Wheel, with its nice slow pace and a view to see my forever when I got to the top of the ride, but instead, I am on the Tea Cup ride. And it is moving so fast that I can’t really focus on a single image that is spinning past me, let alone determine where I am headed or how I plan to get there. Translated, it’s everything that drives a control freak nuts.
But in the midst of all of the chaos, I thought about grip from a physical perspective. Most people try to grip an object very tightly to secure it. But all that accomplishes is wearing out your grip strength very quickly. If you hold on to something loosely, you can maintain your grip much longer. You are only using a light force to maintain a gentle control or contact with the item. For example, when you are steering a car, a loose grip on the wheel lets you use more gentle smooth motions to steer. And the result is less fatigue to your hands and arms.
And the same premise applies to life. Your input needs to be more gentle steering rather than white-knuckled control. We need to learn to guide a little and go with it a little, to find a happy balance. Complete control over our lives is an illusion at best, and trying to gain complete control will just result in squandering the precious time that we do have.
It is time to embrace the unknown in all aspects of my life and recapture some child-like enthusiasm. I must learn to see each day as an adventure and an opportunity to make new and exciting discoveries about myself, my life and the world.