All throughout junior high school I was taunted, called derogatory names and dealt with physical threats on a daily basis.
It left me traumatized. In between classes, I would be huddled up against the wall, clutching my bookbag My self-esteem was shot! I had such anxiety, such fear!
During the first semester of ninth grade, my parents and I moved to a small town.
What a nice change it was! None of the students cared if I was in special education. They accepted me for who I was and just moved on.
I went through a few cases of attempted bullying but it was quickly put to rest by another student. One of my saviors was on the football team. I remember thinking what a great bodyguard he would have made in junior high! I don’t remember his name but man he was big…a miniature version of Mr. T.
During high school. I was able to heal some from the harassment I received but it was still there deep down.
I had a hard time trusting. I was friendly but quiet. I was afraid to let anyone in for fear I would get hurt.
For years I was this scared junior high kid who was suffering from such emotional and mental trauma. I wanted to be free but I just couldn’t find a way out no matter how hard I fought.
Sadly I got used to the suffering. It had become a part of me.
I must have read hundreds of self-help books over the years, some more than once but I just kept ongoing. I believed I was still broken.
I turned 42 a few weeks back and I realized that I have been reading mostly inspirational books for 27 years!
27 years! I have believed I was broken for over half my life.
But no more! I’m on my last two.
I have picked up tons and tons of information on how to live a better life and after I read these books I am going to take all the information and apply it to my new life.
A few times a year I will read some to strengthen my growth but I am no longer to believe I am this worthless piece of trash the bullies made me feel.
I am who God made me.
And if He believes I am worthy…
Well then, I guess I am.
See The Good would like to thank Amy for her guest post. Amy is a Florida resident and has been self-employed in the dog care field since 2006. She self-published a memoir titled “I Am Not Stupid” which is available through Amazon.com/I Am Not Stupid.
She can be contacted at artemple95@gmail.com or through her LinkedIn profile page: linkedin.com/in/amy-temple-34254a167.
Sweet Amy…I have felt like you many times. I, too, was bullied for many years in elementary school. I had a lonely dating life and when I married, I married a man who was a narcissist thus furthering my destruction of my self-esteem. I have been happily divorced for 9 years now and during that time, I have had to piece back together my image of myself. Hence the reason my blog is called Wallflower Blossoming. But I wanted to share with you this quote that I found a while ago…it goes perfectly with what you are saying.
“Out of all the phenomenal and unbelievable creations God made, He took the time to make me. A small, seemingly insignificant, ordinary human who didn’t realize how extraordinary she actually was. A human uniquely set apart from all others. A human who was given her own, specific plan. A human with boundless potential and a divine destiny.
Me.
It was this moment when I finally and full-heartedly believed that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God”. I realized that He truly thinks the world of me, and I have just the right amount of “enoughness” in His eyes.”
Yes, you are great in the eyes of Heavenly Father. Just remember that you are His daughter and He loves you unconditionally. If anything else has helped me in my journey, that thought has helped the most. Sending a hug