Today is the 66th anniversary of my parent’s wedding, and a day that always makes me think of them and the life that they built. Dad passed just before their 48th anniversary. But in that nearly half a century, they faced many hardships, challenges, and struggles together as well as many celebrations, good times, and just quiet moments shared hand in hand. It was not a perfect marriage, as none of us are perfect. But it was a marriage that endured, thrived, and forged a bond that lasted for their forever.
As a child, you don’t understand all of the nuances of marriage. Nor do you grasp the turning points, that unbeknownst to you changed your daily life. In many cases, it is not until we are facing similar challenges or situations in our own marriage that we understand all that went into building the life that our parents shared.
As I look back on the years that I was fortunate enough to share with them, the one resounding image is their commitment to their marriage and the life that they shared. After over three decades with children growing up in the house, they finally had the time in their “Golden Years” to refocus on their life as a couple. Day trips in the car to see the colors of the fall leaves, or to enjoy lunch in a secluded café in a tiny town became their adventures.
However, when Dad became ill, their outings were more often to doctor’s appointments or hospital visits for treatment. But these trips were still made side by side. It was Dad who had cancer, but there is not a single time that he made a trip for treatment or an appointment without Mom. This disease was afflicting not just my father but the life that they had built together. In a very real way, they had become one; and now that one had cancer.
I can’t imagine the pain of facing the loss of my better half. I could see it in Dad’s eyes. He resented the illness because he knew that it would one day force him to leave my Mother’s side. And a similar look could be seen in Mom’s eyes, knowing that she could not take his pain and suffering away. In a way, their darkest moments were also their defining moments. Those long days sitting in hospitals taught me more about the meaning of a true marriage than any of the happy anniversary celebrations had.
As Dad’s time with us slipped away, the weight on my Mother’s shoulders increased. And I know without a doubt that I witnessed the most painful and difficult moment in her entire life. The day that she sat next to my father, holding his hand to tell him that he could go when he was ready. Up to that moment, each day, he focused all of his dwindling energy on remaining here to watch over Mom. And she knew it.
She realized that this was her one opportunity to take his pain and suffering away, and she did. Somehow she found the strength and courage to set free her better half of nearly 50 years. Dad left us less than 36 hours later and finally found his peace. I thought it fitting after he endured over a decade with cancer. That is when it hit me; they had endured that decade, not just Dad.
“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” My parents lived every word of their vows for almost 50 years. And I was fortunate enough to witness over three decades of their journey together. It is the foundation of who I am and what I hold most dear in my heart. And while I miss them both more than words can say, I find comfort and happiness in knowing that they are now together again. Death parted them only for a short time. Now they will remain hand in hand forever.
Happy Anniversary Mom And Dad!
How absolutely beautiful, meaningful and heartwarming. You have described the potential in every marriage when love is the cornerstone. Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us, dear Kathy, as we all celebrate your parents’ love for each other that brought you, their beautiful, meaningful and heartwarmingly wise daughter into the world!
It is wonderful in this day of crumbling marriages to hear of one that held together for that long. I have known 2 couples who reached their 70th anniversary together–my paternal grandparents and, much later in life, very dear friends. It just proves that with the right attitude and the determination and love it needs, a marriage can be life-long and happy. Not trouble-free, but happy. My dad died suddenly about 4 months short of their 52nd anniversary and my mother lived another 25 years. Thank you for sharing this post.