Each of us is responsible for finding or creating our own happiness. And with that in mind, we must make choices and decisions throughout our life that we believe will lead us to happiness. The challenge here is that our choices might not please the other people in our life. But right or wrong for everyone else, we must follow the path that we believe will bring us to a place that is better for us, and us alone.
At times, these choices are in direct conflict with the decisions of others or even our own past choices. But we must always be looking toward the future and redirecting our course as we change, grow, and get a clearer image of ourselves and our needs. No choice that you make based on achieving your own happiness is every wrong. But it is essential to understand that there is a right way and a wrong way to implement your choices.
Just to be clear, I am not talking about what color shoes to buy or where to have dinner tonight. I am referring to major life choices and choices that have a substantial impact on others, especially those whom you care about. While you must always choose what is right for you, presenting these choices in a manner that shows concern and consideration for others is essential.
You might discover that the place where you live or the job that you have are not meeting your needs for fulfillment and happiness, and it is time for a change. The correct way to make these changes involves providing notice to your boss, landlord, or others who have a stake in the changes. Merely packing up and disappearing might fulfill your need for change, but it is certainly not being considerate of those who are depending on you to do a job or pay rent.
An even more challenging situation occurs when you decide that the relationship or marriage that you are in is not meeting your needs. This is a massive step for you, and certainly not one that you make without a great deal of thought and reflection. But once you have made peace with your choice to leave the relationship, you still owe a certain level of respect and consideration to the other party in the relationship.
There is no doubt that a break up is always challenging and painful. But even this extreme situation has a right and wrong method. Initiating communication about your decision and allowing the other party time to fully grasp and absorb the information is the first step in the right direction. Even if there are no longer feelings of emotional attachment from you, remember that there once were, and out of respect for the other person and all that you shared, allow time for your choice to be fully digested. There will be plenty of time later to discuss the logistics of your choice.
Always remember that you never need to apologize for choices that you believe will lead to your own happiness. It is your right and responsibility as an adult to meet that need for yourself. But also remember that while you should not be judged for your choice, you can most certainly be judged on the way to present and act upon your choice. Even when making a tough choice, do it the right way. Consider the feelings of others when necessary and know that by doing it the right way, you will never owe anyone an explanation or apology for choosing a path that you believe will help you find your happiness.
Kathy, this is so well written, so very, very wise, and so very, very true. My mother always said, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” And I would say it’s the same with how you “do” something. I’s not what you do to be truthful to yourself and others, it’s how you do it with consideration for others’ feelings and emotional needs. We do learn from such betrayals but it can take years to not only learn the lesson but let go of the hurt, as I experienced in my life. Thank you for articulating a better way to “come clean” with others who love and trust you. To do otherwise is the ultimate selfishness that can cause deep emotional suffering for others, and eventually, for the one who lacked the courage to be honest in a more respectful way.
Thank you, Pam. Once again, Mother Harman’s wisdom applies today as well as it did the first time she passed along her knowledge! I so wish that we had crossed paths back in Worthington all those years ago. But who knows, maybe we did, but it was not a formal introduction. However, I am blessed to have found her wisdom through you and your friendship! Thank you to both of you once again!