I am amazed at the impact that a single three-letter word can have on a statement. My thoughts were spurred by a wise friend who sent me a short list of “Mighty Middle Affirmations.” The key to each of these short phrases is a single tiny word “and.” For me, this was a simple yet poignant reminder that we are more than one thing, thought, or idea. We, humans, have the ability to be more. And we can do these things or recognize these traits collectively. “And” makes it inclusive and, for me, feels very accepting and almost celebratory.
Sadly, in all too many cases, people chose to use another tiny three-letter word for explanations or descriptions of themselves or others. And that word is “but.” From my perspective, the feeling here is far from the open arms acceptance of a phrase using the word “and.” Instead, the “but” phrase feels isolating and exclusionary. It implies negativity that does not need to exist when you visualize all that you can be and all that you have to offer humanity. Even your challenges and shortcomings need to be viewed in the light of positivity.
For example:
Yes, I can love the person I am AND remain open-minded about aspects of myself I should work on.
Or-
Yes, I can love the person I am BUT remain open-minded about aspects of myself I should work on.
While acceptance of both parts of the phrase is not essential, and the meaning is pretty much the same, positivity directed at both parts is beneficial. There is enough negativity in the world. And to balance any equation or environment, we need to focus on providing the missing element to return to balance. And for me, “and” is always going to present a more positive and accepting feeling than “but.” Even if you do not mean for your comment to someone else or to yourself to have any negative connotation, this tiny little word can have that impact. Maybe it is worth considering when you evaluate and comment to yourself or another and want to offer the most uplifting words of encouragement possible.