Quality of life is often a common topic among older folks or those who are battling a terminal disease. Each person has to wrestle with this concept and determine when the quantity of life, or the number of days on this earth, is outweighing the quality of those days. When is waking up in the morning no longer worth the struggles and pain that each day brings? And though this might sound like a wholly selfish choice to make, it is one that each person has the right to make for his or her own reasons and on his or her own terms.
My experience with this dilemma has only been second hand, but because it was my father making the choice, I felt very invested in the outcome. He was an amazing man who spent his entire life taking care of family, friends, and anyone in need. He had a heart that was sufficiently oversized to fit his broad-shouldered, six foot plus frame. And though he could look imposing, his radiant blue eyes that danced when he laughed, where the windows to his deep and caring soul. He endured a great many difficult times as a child and a young man, but that only served to increase his sense of humanity and strengthen his resolve to do what needed to be done.
For over a decade he found the inner strength to battle multiple types of cancer and remain a pillar of strength for the entire family. Even after many months of chemo treatments, two weeks on and one week off, the weight of this disease could not break him or snuff out his burning desire to remain with his family. He was dedicated to being there for his three grandchildren, his three children and most of all his loving wife of nearly 50 years. But slowly, the chemicals and the disease began to eat away at his once strong body. His broad shoulders were now more rounded and sagged when he wasn’t focused on forcing them into a rigid square. His arms and legs lost their tone and were no longer the limbs that hiked and climbed the hills of Southern Ohio for days at a time. But the most telling sign was that his once captivating blue eyes were now filled with the haze of exhaustion. He was finally ready to make his peace with his own mortality. The days were simply too long and difficult for him to endure any longer.
I have nothing but respect for the dedication he mustered during his fight and for the amazing length of time that he was able to wage his battle. But I also understand that he reached a point where he just had no more fight left in him. It was a shock for me to force myself to look across the room and truly see the old, frail man before me who had taken over my father’s body. And I can only imagine the disbelief that he must have experienced on the days when he had the strength to face his own reflection in the mirror. As it turned out, his will to live had been the strongest medicine he could have hoped to keep cancer at bay. And with that gone, the end came fairly quickly. But he was able to face it on his own terms and with his entire family rallied together to support him and his choice.
I learned a great many lessons from this man, not the least of which is to understand the difference between quantity and quality of life. And in an odd way, I feel as if I have cheated the order of things in some way. I learned this lesson in my early 30’s rather than much nearer the end of my life. And I have learned to apply my father’s wisdom to more than just facing death. The quality of each day should be a priority in life; in everyone’s life. The quantity of things is never going to overshadow the quality of time well spent with loved ones and enjoying life.
Careers, accolades and the desire to amass things have become the driving force in many people lives. They strive to achieve more at work, earn more, buy more things and ultimately achieve a higher status. All of these are good desires and goals to have, as long as they remain in balance with the quality of each day of your life. The secret is not to fall into the trap of becoming a slave to quantity. Don’t let your ambitions blind you to what is truly important in your life. Make time for quality communication and interaction with the people who are important to you. And choose to be as completely focused and present during those times as you are when pursuing your professional goals. Maintaining that balance is the only way that you can ensure the quality of your life. Don’t be the person who works day and night to climb to the pinnacle of success only to notice that there is no one to share the victory with. Not unlike the tree which falls in the woods with no one to hear it, is a victory worth savoring when there is no one to share it with?