I seem to have entered another time in my life when “why” is the thought of most days. And unlike in my youth when I really expected an answer, I think as an adult, when I hear myself utter this question, I know that it is time to reflect on the issue and search for my own answers. The short version of the current need for contemplation is a set of challenges for myself and my husband in our work lives. And because our jobs are in no way related, it is an odd occurrence for them to appear at the same time.
So I kept thinking why is this happening at this time and what does it all mean? Everything has a reason, and I just need to figure it out. My mind kept circling back to many of the recent posts on LinkedIn about doing what you love and about removing the toxic parts of your life or the toxic people. All of those words of wisdom seemed to be right on the mark. Then I began to recall a few other comments about making the right choice as opposed to making the easy choice. And finally, a comment about not trying to force your will and what you want to happen rather than just accepting what is meant to happen. All of these thoughts keep appearing before me as if they were messages running on a theater marquee, but for my eyes only.
And the worst part of all of this was that I could not turn off the marque or walk away from it. My thoughts were consumed with these tidbits of wisdom that I needed to apply to my life in some type of orderly fashion. So I decided that a mundane task would be the best way to try to clear my thoughts and then I could get back to work. So grocery shopping won out over work.
As I was driving to the store, I was finally distracted from the why conundrum. Some storms were passing over the city and the dense grey clouds seemed to reach clear to the ground in some areas which is unusual as we don’t live in the mountains. But it was a nice distraction for a bit. When I pulled into the parking lot, I turned in and had a view of the skyline which had been behind me as I was driving. Amazingly, the sky was a brilliant blue and there were only puffy white clouds, high in the sky. This was my, aha-I get it moment.
I literally was being shown a global representation of all of the phrases that I had been pondering. If I turn to the left, I see grey clouds and an ominous sky. However, if I turn to the right, I see blue skies and sunshine. The choice is mine to make, where do I want to go? And to go even one step further, one direction appears to be very pleasant and optimal, while the other appears to be foreshadowing more storms and challenges. So do I turn to the bright blue sky or do I choose to be stubborn, and try to force my will for sunlight on the dark clouds and storms to the left? It is not very often that you get an explanation that is as clear as mine was today.
This new perspective made me even more in awe of the scene that I just witnessed. And I am thankful for the opportunity to finally understand the message. Nothing about either situation has really changed in the last three hours but my thought process has begun to move forward, and I feel that my new found understanding will provide a solution, and in fact, the two solutions that we are looking for. In addition, this clarity has helped to lighten the mental and emotional load that was weighing on my shoulders. I know that there is still a great deal of work to be done, but now that I understand the challenges and have a plan, I am ready to make it happen. And with each small victory that we experience during this journey, we will celebrate being just a tiny bit closer to our ultimate goal.