The desire to belong is rooted deeply in the heart and soul of every person. No one wants to be left out, and not a soul can help but ache for the sad-faced child who is always the last one to be picked for a team or picked as a partner for a class project. And it is that burning desire to belong to a group or to fit in that causes some behaviors that we would otherwise never undertake. Some kids choose to wear certain clothing to fit in while others join in bullying another child to gain acceptance into a group. One might seem to be harmless while the other is definitely harming someone else. But in reality, both efforts to fit in are ingraining a bad behavior.
As adults, we would like to think that we have outgrown the need to fit in. But anyone who has gone along with the group in a meeting rather than voicing his or her own opinion has done so to avoid being the odd man, or woman, out. Adults who join into water cooler gossip or just pass along the neighborhood “news” at someone else’s detriment are also still trying to fit in with the group. And they are doing so using the methods that were learned as children.
Maybe as an adult, no one else is being hurt by another’s efforts to fit in. It’s not a situation of bullying or singling out someone as it was in the schoolyard. But the truth is that the person trying to fit in is being hurt by not being true to the person he or she really is. Everyone has things in common but to change how we act, what we pretend to like or who we project ourselves to be, is nothing but a personal disservice.
Hiding one’s true self is like living in a shroud, and that weight can become almost unbearable. In addition, hiding one’s true identity is certain to sap the joy and happiness from both heart and soul. Each person deserves to be honest with himself or herself and to share his or her true self with the world. Every person deserves happiness, and the world deserves to know the amazing and unique person who only you can be.
I agree, many of us try to change ourselves, because of a need or a feelings to belong to something. The condition of our world now, many of us can’t be ourselves without fear. We all want a world where we can be who we want to be, without fear or judgement. Teaching our children to love and accept themselves for who they are, isn’t enough. They have to see us doing it to overselves and others. Confidence sometimes isn’t enough either, but it can be with lots of practice. Live your best life, the best way you can, with people who brings out the good in you.