There is a certain peace and calmness that washes over you when you have reached the place where you are meant to be. I never considered myself to be a person who fits in easily. In school, I was always on the fringe and never really a part of any group. And as an adult, I was most comfortable in a small group, and even that was sometimes a forced effort. But I have finally found a place, my place, where I feel more at ease and relaxed than ever before.
Scuba diving was one of the activities that my husband had experienced during his military service. He loved it and always wanted to introduce me to the world that exists underwater. But I was not very open to the adventure. I love the water and was a swimmer as a kid, but my adult mind could not trust a mechanical device to allow me to breathe. But finally, I gave in to his request to just try it, as a part of our deal to book a bucket list vacation to Bora Bora. I think that he somehow knew that my inner beach bum and desire to be on a tropical island would outweigh my “logical” fear of a mechanical failure.
My first “discover scuba” class was a total failure. I was nervous, anxious and really didn’t give it a fair chance. I got in the pool with full gear, went underwater and then counted the seconds until I could surface and breathe real air. Looking back, I am certain that it was a combination of fear and stubbornness that sabotaged my halfhearted effort. But a year later, and still yearning for the feel of exotic sand between my toes, I tried again. And this time I was really ready to conquer my fear and learn the skills needed to scuba dive.
We completed our classroom work and the controlled dives in the pool with no issues. I had logged countless hours in a pool, and this was easy stuff for me. I still had some moments of conflict, when my brain would scream out that I should not be breathing underwater, but I was able to think of my training and make peace with the equipment and my new found confidence in it. Next, it was off to a lake for some real open water dives.
The lake had the visibility of something along the lines of chocolate milk, and I never saw another living thing in the water other than my newbie classmates. This added a whole new aspect of discomfort, however, I was able to focus on the skills and get through the final stage of the class. But only because I kept saying over and over to myself that once I was open water certified, I would never be back in this awful, cold lake, EVER again.
With newly printed PADI Open Water dive cards in hand, we booked our first dive trip to a tiny island that I had never heard of before but was supposed to be a hidden gem of the dive world. Roatan is an island off the coast of mainland Honduras and sits on the Mesoamerican Reef, the second largest reef system in the world behind the Great Barrier Reef. My excitement continued to build, and I became that rambunctious child who could not wait for Christmas to arrive.
When we made the first dive, it was a sensory overload, to say the least. And I looked pretty much like a walrus on land. I was out of my element and was manic about checking gauges, working on buoyancy and checking gauges again throughout the dive. The moment that stands out in my memory is the first time I approached the edge of the reef wall. I looked out over the coral and could see forever down into the blue. For a second I had an understanding of what a tiny speck I was in the grand scheme of the planet. Then my brain spun in a less philosophically direction, and I recalled the movie the Abyss and falling into vast blue nothingness, so I checked my gauges even more for the rest of the dive. Fortunately, there are millions of fish on the reef, so I did stumble upon some who were brave enough to encounter the “stumbling” human who was trying to invade their home.
After the first dive, we were all in awe of the sea life and how amazing the environment was. I didn’t realize it yet, mostly due to the colossal adrenalin rush, but I was hooked. We dove every day, and I would like to think that we got a lot better but I’m not sure that was the case. Regardless of the learning curve, I had a great time and didn’t want to come home. So shortly after we got home, I booked our next trip to the same resort, just three months later.
By the end of our second trip, I had actually begun to have a certain comfort level in the water. I didn’t catch myself listening to my breathing or going, “Hey, cool, I’m still alive and breathing underwater!” And being that we were diving some of the same sites as the first trip, I began to realize that I had tunnel vision the entire first trip. There was so much life and beauty underwater, it was impossible to take it all in. And if possible, I was loving scuba even more than ever.
Our dive master had told us that as we got more comfortable and at ease, the entire ocean would come alive around us but I never really understood what he meant until one of our last dives of the trip. We were on a wall, and I was watching a school of Blue Tang about 25 feet below me as they swam up the wall. I thought about moving but then decided to just hang there and see how close they came to me before they altered their course. I hovered and watched as they moved closer and then at the last second the school of fish opened up and wrapped around me as if I was just another piece of coral. Fish gently brushed against me but showed no fear or hesitation. And in a second they had all swum past me and were continuing on their journey as if I wasn’t there. It was my first up-close encounter with ocean life and my first taste of this new world, where I felt as if I belonged. I was elated but in a very calm and serene way.
I have now crossed the 100 dive threshold and reached the level of PADI Rescue Diver, just one step below Master Diver. I have immense respect for the environment underwater as well as the potential dangers which it holds. And I am still mesmerized by the beauty and the sense of peacefulness I experience when I am in the water. Not unlike any environment, the world underwater holds a potential for both good and bad experiences. So I have done my part to educate myself and be prepared for any foreseeable event. Granted, I will never forget my first encounter with a Green Moray Eel, which I believe my husband placed on YouTube. But I survived unharmed and the eel survived with only a slight blow to the head. As with all aspects of my life, I will choose to focus on the wonders that the sea has to offer and my unique connection to the ocean and all of her inhabitants. I have been very fortunate to experience the world underwater and to discover my place in it as a welcomed guest and an ambassador.
Woh a good one, so encouraging.