Anytime I am about to make a judgment about another person, and this is on a serious level not wow she’s a bad cook kind of thing, I try to mentally picture a bold yellow sign that reads, “BEWARE-DANGER AHEAD”. Because what I have come to learn is that those who judge others are often the least likely to possess the criteria that have become their yardstick.
Let me also add to this that we all make judgments in our head. We hear that tiny voice that is at times not fit to share with polite company. But the people I am thinking about are the ones who feel that THEIR little voice speaks with the wisdom, honesty, and sincerity of a god or a prophet. These people in most cases will share their little voice with anyone who will stand still long enough to listen, and sometimes they even bombard your back as you are trying to escape. They have all the answers to make everyone a better person and the world a pest free, trouble free and conflict-free Utopia.
But then when that “all knowing” person is standing right in front of you, mum’s the word. Nothing but the sweetest and most disingenuous words roll off the person’s tongue. This was a continuing saga for me for many years. To my face, I was a wonderful person, mother, wife, sibling and on and on. But behind my back, I was money worshipping heathen who represented all that was wrong with society. And because of this person’s tremendous dedication to spreading her “wisdom” from every soapbox that she could find, word got back to me.
To be honest, I was crushed for a time when I heard the hurtful words and accusations. But after several different people recounted her tirades with much the same theme, I decided to step back and just remain silent for a bit. I wanted to gather my thoughts. Also, I didn’t trust myself to control my temper. I didn’t want to take the express elevator down to her level! That was the smartest thing I could have ever done.
Time revealed a great deal to me, the sinner, about the self-professed saint. As it turned out, she was involved in a great many things that were not becoming to a “good Christian”. And try as she might, it was impossible to keep all of her little secrets hidden from the light of day. In the end, she was the one who was left trying to explain and defend her actions, while I felt confident and comfortable with mine.
I learned a great many lessons from this person who I once looked up to like a big sister. In this case, judgment for the purpose of ridiculing, changing or belittling someone else is not the right of anyone, and it is very likely to turn on you. Also, no one has the right to say who is a good Christian or good anything for that matter…that job is taken. I also learned that I am the only one who really needs to be comfortable with my own actions. If I believe in what I’m doing then that is all that matters. And likewise, I need to offer that same level of respect and courtesy to others. I have the right to not be a part of their actions or to disassociate myself from them but not the right to judge them for their actions.
But possibly the greatest lesson that I learned from this person, who is no longer a part of my life, is that I need to find my own peace. That can mean that I find a way to accept another’s thoughts or actions, or I need to choose to walk away. I can only change myself, and I don’t have the right, or more importantly the ability, to change someone else.